I have really been trying to enjoy my camera more and I’m so excited for this “off” season. It won’t be so off for me as I am rebranding my dad’s business and starting a bunch of new personal photography projects but it will be a nice change of pace and some winter income.

Now that I’ll have a little more time. I’m going to get a bunch of medical problems fixed as well. Personal health insurance is not cheap so I would not be opposed to taking on a winter wedding. That would be AMAZING and quite possibly pay to get my hernia patched up. :) So if you’d like to be my hernia wedding, send me an email and I’d love to work something out. haha

Until then, I’m just going to enjoy each day the best I can. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the hype of Christmas and, not to mention, all the pressure. I’ve been working non-stop up until Christmas Eve…which is tomorrow so I better finish this last wedding album tonight. Because of that, I have missed a lot. It seems like it is only when we are so far gone or have our standard of living threatened that we realize the error of our ways.

I’m thankful to have a supportive family, electricity, the internet, clean water, good food, heat, most of my health and a lovely home to live in. All the other things are luxuries that so many people have become so used to that they assume they are entitled to them and just lose perspective.

Enjoy the small, subtle things this Christmas. :) I know that I will be enjoying HOURS of time playing with Duma. I have neglected her so much this month from all my work so I’m pretty pumped to give her more attention than she can even stand. Then, we shall nap.

Well, just as quickly as summer comes, it goes and winter is upon us again. All the memories of summer swiftly fade away and my world is consumed by frigid weather. I have already forgotten what the sun feels like. I’ve forgotten it all.

I thought all of the fresh snow was interesting since signs of fall were still lingering.

As much as I hate winter, I’m grateful I have heat in my house, electricity and the internet. I may not have a lot in my life, but I’ve got enough. I won’t be freezing this winter and I won’t go hungry so no complaints here. There are some great things about winter that cannot be forgotten. 5 months from now, the sun shall return and I will be extra super grateful for that. What I hate most about winter is all the crazy people driving when they shouldn’t be. There are WAY too many people dying each year because of bad road conditions. Please stay in your homes! Odds are you are not headed out to do anything that important and staying home is a better idea. This is actually one of the reasons I work so hard to stay self employed. I am not a good driver in any season. Women drivers, no survivors! That would be me.

I’m also dreaming up some really great winter shoots since my season is now ending. The off season is such an awesome time to do work that is creatively driven, not client driven. So keep an eye out for those. :) Many new things coming over the next 6 months.

The day was going just fine. We got up early, left the hotel early to go scout and I felt really good about the day. The rehearsal was at 5:30pm so we had plenty of time. We were showing their engagement video at the rehearsal so it was important that we get there. We also had her rings and wedding dress in our car.

I had this vision of a sweet barn. I mean, it’s an Iowa wedding so it just felt right but we couldn’t find one! What are the odds? We found a couple but either nobody was home or they wouldn’t let us shoot on their property. We were just about done scouting for the day and just needed one last good location. So we were driving down this wide gravel road when I saw a cool barn to our left. I told Ryan we should go back and take a look at it. Since it was such a wide road and nobody else was driving down it, he was just going to turn around in the road instead of driving out of our way to a driveway or something.

I personally would never do this because I always play it safe and obey the rules. However, I didn’t think anything of it because the road was so wide and there was no traffic.

What does this look like to you? The side of a gravel road, just grass, right?

Ok well it’s NOT. It’s a huge ditch. When he went a little off the edge of the road to turn around thinking it was just flat grassy ground we were both pretty shocked when it swallowed us up! I guess you guys in Iowa don’t mow your ditches like we do here in Michigan. That’s good to know. I’m sure we will never make that mistake again after this very expensive lesson.At this point, we are mostly screwed. A few people stop to see if they can help but don’t have any way to pull us out. We got the number of a local tow truck but they didn’t answer so we had to call a one from the next town over. It cost us a LOT of money. :( A lot of money that I would have liked to spend on a birthday present for myself, haha. We were also running out of time. There was no time to find our last shooting location now and I was really doubting if we would even make it to the rehearsal. I worked really hard on the video so I was pretty bummed it might not be shown then.

This is Ryan waiting for the tow truck being sad that the earth tried to eat our car. Finally the tow truck gets there. It was almost an hour since we fell in. When he pulls the car out, it turns weird and hits on the right passenger side. I heard a explosion and sure enough, we blew a big hole in the tire. That just so happens to be the same tire we just replaced maybe a month prior. I was second shooting a wedding in Grand Rapids with another photographer and ran over a curb on my way home. I was in a major ghetto stuck at a creepy gas station all alone. Another really bad night. That situation was one of the scariest in a long time. I’d much rather be stuck on the side of the road in the country, in daylight, with Ryan.

So we just replaced that tire and now blew out the new one, so our faithful donut went back on. We were actually not too far from the church and were able to make it to the rehearsal right at the end when they wanted to show everyone the video so that all worked out. We just had to go back out scouting after dinner making it a very long day.It’s sure not how I planned on spending by 26th birthday, but sometimes life throws these things at you. Since I’ve had so many issues with stress in the past year I’m trying to constantly remind myself that I have a choice in how I react and respond to the things that happen. It’s quite easy to forget that and I’m hoping it will eventually become a mental habit. That has really helped control the crazy that tries to escape. When we fell in, I felt like we were about to tip over so it certainly could have been a lot worse.

I’m really hoping we don’t have any more car trouble this year! I think I’ve really had enough about now. :)

PS – These are all iPhone pictures, decent right?

“There’s only one sort of natural blonde on earth – albinos.”
Marilyn Monroe

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.”
Dolly Parton

I figured what better way to begin this post than a couple funny sayings from some very famous blondes. I LOVE being blonde. I can’t really express how much it changes my mood. My hair is easier to work with and I’m just really generally happier. It’s strange how much a good color and cut can impact how you feel.

My “natural” color is a very dark blonde, kind of a golden/mousy sort of mix. I just like to call it boring. I have not had fully natural hair color since high school. So…yep…this is one of my senior pictures. Don’t you just love the gentle lean on the hand. Classic! hahaa oh how things have changed. :)

Needless to say, I’ve evolved since then. I’ve gone through a lot of different hair styles and colors. I used to go to Ohio to get my color done but the drive just became too much and my roots just kept getting SO out of control so I tried out a new place this time and OH MY WORD she did an amazing job. This is certainly the best color of my life, and like I said, I’ve been through a lot with my hair.

I believe that people specialize. I’ll never go to the same person to cut and  color my hair. Brandi from Panopolous in Muskegon is just freakishly talented on my cut. She takes her time and is super picky about every single hair probably because she knows I’m picky but I love her for it. I got it cut a couple days after getting the color done and I just  feel like a whole new person!

My new color person is Jennifer at Eblazon Salon in South Bend Indiana. It’s only about an hour and a half from kalamazoo and the drive is quite easy. It was my first time going to her so to do such a major change should have been scary, but I felt really confident. It was totally worth the drive because she just did the best job ever. It’s the perfect balance of everything I wanted.

This time, I was coming from like 3 or 4 inches of roots in some places and then a more golden blonde. The back of my hair has one long blonde layer that goes over a lot of very short hair and all that was completely dark. My hair was heavy, flat and sad. haha

My roots are going to grow out in a real bad way, but thats ok, this color is worth keeping up with for a while because it makes me feel so good.

There are few people in my life who have stepped up as true, authentic, lifelong, friends. The type of person who wants nothing in return except for your company, your friendship. Someone who gives whole heartedly, sacrificially loves and is endlessly loyal. This kind of person is rare. Konrad is rare and I feel so blessed to have met him.

When I transferred to Cedarville University in 2005 I struggled a lot. Being a transfer student is tough all on it’s own but I also had never been away from home before and had never had the chance to be socially independent. My first semester was hard but I had a great roommate and through crashing my car into a semi truck, I ended up having a reason for people in my hall to notice me and then became my friends. I have a few other good friends from Cedarville but after we all graduated, I don’t hear from them too often outside of facebook.

Life gets busy and we all moved on and most of us are married now. I neglect to catch up with them just as they do with me. It’s kind of the natural order of things when everyone lives in different parts of the country.

Konrad was different. Out of all my friends I made at Cedarville, he is the only one to consistently contact me. I’ve been the bad friend since college in this relationship. Our business took off, life got so insanely busy and I just kept losing touch, but he kept trying.

The fact that he always kept trying says so much about him and his character. By the standards of our culture, Konrad is a bit weird. He is insanely tall and always seemed to be friends with short people. He is a true artist at heart and has a wonderfully creative brain. He never seemed afraid to be himself and thats a wonderful quality to have. Because he is weird or rather just different from the masses, he just got me right away, because I am also weird and different. A lot of people don’t “get me”, especially that fast, but he did. I believe we were destined to be friends.

When I struggled in our art classes or had a hard time studying for my Bible classes Konrad was always there to help. I don’t know how I would have passed my 3D deisgn class without him. He made our classes together fun and more interesting and it was always really nice to have a friend in those classes. Since I was a transfer student and not very outgoing unless approached, I didn’t have many friends in those classes because everyone already knew each other. So having his companionship really helped my confidence while in class. He made me feel not so alone.

He is one of the greatest friends to ever be a part of my life. Because life got so busy and so difficult all at once I neglected staying in touch and I’m so sorry for that. Giving someone a chance and embracing the weird within them is one of the best you can do for that type of person.

He is also getting married this November and I could not be happier for him. Thats proof that there is someone for everyone. Can I say I told you so? Because I did. :) She is a lucky women to be his other half. I know he will be an amazing husband to her.

So last year (that shows how crazy it’s been since I’ve had this painting since august I think) I contact Kelli Murray about doing a painting for Konrad. He discovered her work a few years back and showed her stuff to me and we were both hooked. We just love her style and she is one of our favorite artists. Ryan had her do a painting of us and it is one of my most prized possessions so I wanted to be able to give something special like that to Konrad. He deserves so much more, but this is my thank you for being such an amazing man of God and a wonderful friend to me.

Konrad, this world is a better place because your in it and is desperately in need of more people like you.

I’m sending this painting out in the mail tomorrow so you should receive it in a few days. Promise :)

To my knowledge, this is the only photo of  me from right after I was born. It’s amazing how things have changed in the past 25 years. One Polaroid photo is never enough now but also the value of photos seems to have gone down because it’s so easy to have a ton of them. This photo has incredible value to me because it’s rare, because it kept time in tact. I would never know what I looked like as a baby and I certainly can’t remember my dad looking so young…because I was just an infant. I’m also really happy that those glasses shall be remembered forever :)

People want photos to be cheaper and better these days. When actual professional photographers who have invested their lives into all the fine details of photography are out there, why not invest? I sure wish that would have been an option to my parents. I would love to be able to see the details of my face as a newborn, to see how small my hands were and to see photos of me as an infant with both of my parents. 25 years later, that would be priceless to have.

Everyone has a camera these days and yes, this is taken with a poloroid and is really special to me still but there is always the what if. There is so much value in professional photography that gets so often overlooked because it’s so easy to buy a camera that the guys at best buy tell you is professional quality and call it good. It’s not about the camera you have, but what you can do with it. It’s about vision, creativity, understanding how light works,  working well with people, communicating, and the ability to see things others can’t.

Since this is the only photo I have, I love it, I cherish it and it’s amazing how it has not gotten lost in almost 26 years…but if they could go back and if photography was like it is today, I would hope that they would have invested the money in a good photographer to freeze those moments forever. If not just for them, but for me and my children someday.

We spend so much money on so many stupid things, fancy cars, fancy furniture, fancy clothes, all this stuff to essentially “keep up” yet so often people have such a tiny budget for photography. They are spending whats “left over” after all that pointless stuff typically. It’s the American way to think we must have everything we want right now but what about looking down the road? Will you be wearing those clothes 20 years from now? Driving that car? Probably not. Will you have those photos? Yes.

I understand about keeping to budgets. It’s expensive to run a business and it’s really hard work. So we have to save up for things just like everyone else. I look back at the past 3 years of my marriage and Ryan and I don’t have that many photos of us together and thats a big regret of mine. So I hope to change that because memories fade and photos are all you have left sometimes.

I don’t remember much about my wedding, but I have photos. I don’t remember much about my childhood, but I have photos. I think it would be amazing if my parents had a professional photographer do a shoot of me and my brother every year when we were kids and if they had an album of that for every year. I don’t have more than 2 or 3 photos of my “awkward years” and your probably thinking lucky you, but really, I would like to have those memories to laugh at now. Whether it was a pretty time of life or not, it was a part of my life.

If you really value photography, make sure you do yourself the favor of saving up for it. Plan ahead, weigh the importance of other things in your life that you spend your money on. Good photography does not come cheap because photographers can’t work for free. It’s not them being greedy, we are all just trying to survive. I really believe that what I do has value and plays an important role in the lives of my clients. Whether I know them well or not, I know that all my years of school and learning and working to build up this certain set of skills are valuable in preserving memories for people. I know that 25 years from now, people will look back at images I took and have their own stories about them and remember how they felt that day. Remember the love and excitement if its their wedding photos or remember how small their kids were for their family session, how funny their hair now looks to them for their senior session, or how precious and small their now grown child used to be during the first week of their life. Thats why I do this.  If one low quality poloroid image is so valuable to me, I know that what I deliver to my clients will have value for the rest of their lives.

-holly

I am the queen of the word “through”. Get through, push through, power through… I say these things a lot. I’m super motivated, goal driven, a perfectionist and problem solver. Those things are like a magnet for stress. When you don’t know how to deal with stress in a healthy way, it can cause problems. There are obviously a lot of positive points to being this way, but stress is the major drawback.

Well, I went to the doctor last july and mentioned that I had a pain in my side and maybe it could be an ulcer and he dismissed it and diagnosed it as something else and suggested I started a more healthy diet. So I did and moved on but after a while the pain came back. I can’t tell you how worried I was. I was thinking something could be wrong with my pancreas or spleen or intestines and bowels. Theres just so much stuff over there to have a problem with. I worried about stomach cancer, and really every kind of cancer. I crawled into a dark mental corner of fear, assuming he worst. The pain came and went so I would think it’s gone and maybe it was all my imagination but then it came back and I was super confused.

I also assumed that our three month road trip at the beginning of last year and our month in China might have been too much added stress or maybe I got something in China, who knows. So off and on i’ve been really stressed and worried about this for a really long time now.

So why is today so great? Today is great because I got a new doctor here in kalamazoo and I recently went to him and said that I have a lot of stress in my life and I have this pain in my side, maybe it’s an ulcer. Again. Last guy said no but did no tests. So they take some blood which takes all of 5 minutes and we wait.

I get a call today and it’s the doctor telling me I do in fact have an ulcer. Not cancer, not dying, just an ulcer. Thats how I will take it for now. I guess you can get stomach cancer from ulcers but they (the internet) says thats quite rare and often happens to people more in their 50′s than their 20′s. It’s hard for me to not over-worry, but there isn’t anything I can do now but try to get rid of the bacteria first. Antibiotics should help me start feeling better really soon he says. It’s a few antibiotics together since I guess it’s a fairly serious infection since it takes so many not to mention it’s crazy expensive but at least we can be on the road to getting better. I can’t wait to feel better again and I just loathe myself for not putting myself before my work and getting this taken care of months ago.

This is a really long winded version of what could be a happy hooray it’s only an ulcer! But there’s a point to be made here that I have no problem sharing with on our “business” blog. It’s called I’m growing up and learning about what’s important.

I will no longer put off health concerns. I will no longer take my health for granted. I will solve the problem of stress in my life by learning how to cope with it before letting it destroy me. I am restructuring a lot of our business to make it more laid back but still make ends meet. I have not been living a healthy life, I’ve been living a life of work and stress. I love our work and it’s hard for me to not overwork so finding a balance has been tough.

If you know things about ulcers, your probably thinking ulcers are not caused by stress. Yes, that is true, it’s a bacteria. However, stress can irritate an ulcer which is probably why I felt so much of the pain when stressed or anxious. I’ve also read that extreme emotional or physical stress can be a factor in ulcers as well, but who knows if thats really true. The internet says a lot of stuff. I’ve been through some difficult things this year, more than I ever thought I could handle so that makes a lot of sense to me whether it has facts to back it up or not.

So now I’m trying to figure a way to get the antibiotics a little cheaper since the “pack” they prescribe does not come in a generic and it’s just an insane amount of money. I’m sure it will all work out though and there is nothing else I can do about it. If I have to pay it all then so be it to get this nasty bacteria out of my body so it can start healing itself. It’s going to be a rough 14 days on the antibiotics for me since my body does not enjoy them but I’m really praying it’s not as bad as I’m anticipating.

I hope this is the last ulcer I have in my life and maybe thats asking a lot. I just really pray this first round of antibiotics gets rid of it so this can be the end of it and I can go on with my life without pain all the time.

So, in the end, I guess it’s good news. It makes me realize in such a small way how much I’ve taken health for granted and I’m just not going to do that anymore. Feeling physically well is one of the greatest gifts in life that you don’t know you have until you don’t have it any more.

I am attempting to clean off my computer a little since I am almost maxing out 4TB… and I came across this photo.

I believe it was from 2 years ago when we were in cleveland for an engagement session. It was the coldest weather I have EVER experienced in my life. Half way through the session our cameras stopped working and we had to head indoors to warm them up.

Since I knew the weather was gonna be nuts, I bought this hat the day before the session and I am sure glad that I did. I can’t imagine having been outside that long in that kind of cold without it.

On another note, It’s so crazy how things change so much in only 2 years. I feel like I look so different now. I don’t have that same look in my eyes. Things just feel…different. I hope to feel like this again someday.

I have small pieces left over from a bunch of old projects in the past and I’ve been looking for a good new project to use them on. I thought the poms would be a good use for them but I just ended up getting MORE fabric for those, haha. So this was the perfect opportunity. I also added some little sparkles on it as well. :)

I really like this and think I might make a few more for around the house. So much for just using the scraps up :)

My friend Nicole and I have been becoming craft crazy lately. Well, I might be the only one craft CRAZY but thats no surprise. I just adore crafts and it’s all I can think about lately. I may not be the best at everything, but I’ve finally found a hobby thats just laid back and fun and thats really nice to have.

She is pregnant with her second baby (a girl this time!) and wanted to make her a little felt stuffed owl so I thought that would be a fun new project so I joined in and decided to make a little monster.

The night was really fun and all was going well until the popcorn.

I had never had air popped popcorn apparently so we decided earlier that day to have some at night. Well, turns out a half of a stick of butter in air popped pop corn makes me a very happy girl. It was SO GOOD. So we were both shoving it in our faces and ate a huge bowl. Well, little did I know this would turn out to be the most expensive bowl of popcorn of my life.

I thought to myself, I should stop now but decided to have a few more bites. Well, I got a kernel mixed in and cracked one of my top molars in half. Awesome. The tooth already had a filling in it which is why it was probably weak so now it’s just half tooth on the outside and half exposed filling.

Downside: I certainly can’t really afford this right now because we are in the off season. My dentist is back in muskegon (1.5 hours away) and can’t get me in until monday. I’m terrified to eat anything because I’m worried the rest of the tooth might crack off since there isn’t much holding it together and it has a super harsh edge where it cracked off. The part that broke off wasn’t just the corner, it’s all the way up to my gums.

Bright side: My dentist is amazing and is really nice and fair with his prices. Since I have to go to muskegon, I get to take all my laundry home with me and visit my parents top of the line washer and dryer (since the house we just rented didn’t come with one and we have yet to get our own, haha) Umm thats really the only bright side. This basically sucks.

So that was an eventful and sad part of the evening.  I’m really praying they don’t have to take the tooth. My dentist has worked magic before so I hope he can once again. I love my teeth and I need my molar.

I bet none of you ever think about your molars and how much you love them. If you didn’t have them, think about how much you would miss them. They chew everything and are wonderful. That goes for all the little things you never think about until they are broken or gone.

So because of the molar drama and the color of this little stuffed guy, I decided he looks like tooth decay or something. So maybe HE broke my tooth. For shame.

He was fun to make and I hope to make more little stuffed things like this so I can get better at it as he leaves much to be desired. :) I will NOT be eating popcorn when making more stuffed monsters though. Lesson learned, popcorn is cursed.